Soooo… I haven’t posted anything since I launched this blog, and it’s not because I’ve been very, very busy. I haven’t been. And it’s not because I haven’t had a plethora of topics to discuss. I have them… saved… just waiting to be published. It’s because I’m far too critical of myself and whatever creative works I share with others. I’m a perfectionist, at times, to a fault. ::sigh:: You’d think a chick my age would be beyond such idiosyncracies, but, no, I’m not. The sad thing is that I realize that the only perfect being to ever grace this earth was Christ, yet I still set standards sky high for myself , and it’s like a never-ending cycle of trying to have everything just right when I should just let well enough alone.
Compared to where I used to be when I was younger, I’ve come a long way. It just seems that I freeze up when it comes to ideas I’d like to share with others. In all sincerity, I think it’s within the mind of an artist or creative person that whatever they put forth just isn’t good enough for mass appeal, or there’s vulnerability when you present what you’ve created, because whatever it is you’re unveiling to the public is, in essence, an extension of who you are. Like, how do you become brave enough to share that side with others knowing you’re possibly subjecting yourself to criticism that wasn’t asked for in the first place?
Then I stop and think about the countless times I was entirely too harsh on myself over projects that, in the end, wound being wonderful and well-received. If any criticism was ever offered, it was always constructive and a means for me to improve in areas I may not have initially considered. Being a perfectionist is a double-edged sword. On one end, you know you can provide quality fruit while, on the other, you wind up procrastinating– and even not following through– because you don’t think what you have meets your unreasonably high standards of approval. Perfectionism is a two-hit combo of doubt and fear in one of its cruelest, most debilitating forms; and, if you aren’t careful, it’ll leave you down, waiting for life to finish you off like some sick, twisted form of a Mortal Kombat character. Better fight back and push through!
Even when it has come to this whole “Cool Nerd Chronicles” idea, I’ve had thoughts such as, “What’s so interesting about a nerd, let alone one who thinks she’s cool?”, “What if no one relates?”, “What if none of this works out as I’ve hoped and prayed?”, “Others already don’t believe in this, so what’s the point?”, “Am I crazy?”, and so on and so forth. At some point, I’ve just had to say SO WHAT?! I’ve already had others say that it sounds like something they’d be interested in reading. Everyone isn’t going to relate to what I write, but I’m not here for everyone anyway. Even if this doesn’t work out how I’ve hoped and prayed, it’s still an outlet for me to get rid of the gazillion thoughts which float through my mind. I’ve had plenty of naysayers in the past, but for as many naysayers that I’ve had, I’ve had just as many encouraging folks by my side. Plus, naysayers typically wind up being motivation and proven wrong for and by me, respectively. Oh, and am I crazy? Yeah, that’s a given, but “crazy” thinking has bred some of the best ideas to ever happen upon this world. Why would I be an exception?
From this point forward, I’m simply going to challenge myself to get out of my (overthinking) way and just let the chips fall where they may. Many times, the best way to get over perfectionism (doubt and fear) is to just do something simply because it’s waiting for you to do it.
Whatever happens, happens. Qué sera, sera.
All the Best,